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0007 Apply Principles of Unity, Focus, and Development in Writing
Make Revisions that Improve the Unity and Focus of a Paragraph or Passage
In a paragraph the topic sentence states a theme which encompasses each of the other sentences. The order of these sentences needs to follow some logical sequence.
For example, a paragraph describing last year's most important events in a student's life might have its sentences sequenced by:
- The chronological order of the dates of the events, or
- The relative importance of the events.
A mixture of these orderings would be disconcerting to any reader and, therefore, not appropriate.
Similarly, some sentences contain more than one idea. In such sentences, correct writing requires a logical ordering of the ideas.
An example of a sentence in which the sequencing of ideas needs to be improved is:
Beethoven is a German composer, and he is best known for his nine symphonies.
The sentence could be improved by:
Beethoven, a German composer, is best known for his nine symphonies.
1) Here is another example in which the logical ordering of ideas needs to be altered. Write a sentence that improves the logical ordering of ideas and click here when you are finished.
Burning the entire second floor, the fire started at midnight.
The fire, which started at midnight, burned the entire second floor
An example of a sentence in which the logical ordering of ideas needs to be altered is:
Though we have had rain for seven days, the rainfall for August is normal.
The sentence could be improved by:
The rainfall for August is normal even though we have had rain for seven days.
2) Here is another example of an ordering that can be improved. Write a sentence that improves the logical ordering of ideas and click here when you are finished.
The boat overturned yesterday when five men drowned.
Five men drowned yesterday when the boat overturned.
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